RANDOM THOUGHTS AND 
SUGGESTIONS ON LOVE AND MARRIAGE
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1. IF YOU WANT to have a good wife, be a good husband; if you want to have a good husband, be a good wife. Make your mate glad that she/he married you, and at the same time you will be made glad that you married your mate. The kind of marriage you have is up to you.
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2. Ideally your relation to your mate should be one unending relationship of unselfish deeds, kindness, and being nice; then when your intimate moments of marriage come, this will be the most natural and unselfish expression of love and fulfilling pleasure. However, if your dealings with your mate are selfish, unkind, and not governed by personal concern, when the intimate moments come, on your part the experience will be more like selfish gratification of lust (probably met with reluctance on the part of your mate).
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3. Marriage is not a 50/50 proposition and relationship; it is more like 75/75 or better still, a 99/99 proposition (or even 100/100 in unselfish attitude).
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4. John said, "We love him, because he first loved us" (I John 4:19); it is easy to love someone who unselfishly loves us and shows it.
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5. After the honeymoon is over, and the initial infatuation wears off, we must build on the reality of what we are (yes, we now see faults) and go and grow from there.
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6. Learn to love (Colossians 3:19; Ephesians 5:2,15,28, 33; Titus 2:14)--in Bible times they lived in a society where marriages were arranged by contract by the parents; they had to learn to love their mates after they got married.
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7. Getting married is like becoming a Christian; it is not something you do and straightway forget about it (if you do, look out for trouble!)--it is just the beginning. The courtship must continue (Revelation 2:4)--a great marriage just doesn't happen; you have to work at it.
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8. Husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge as the weaker vessel (they are more delicate and precious); be nice to them (I Peter 3:7; Ephesians 5: 28-33).
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9. Submit yourselves one to another in the fear of God (Ephesians 5:21; 1 Peter 5:5)--yes, the husband is the head, and the role of the wife is a submissive one; but all are under submission to God, and all should have the submissive attitude (not be harsh); the man who seemingly must be always asserting his headship (even unkindly) surely feels insecure about himself and his position.
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10. Never criticize one another publicly (this is degrading, and you are degraded in the eyes of others and lose your good influence with them)--and if criticism is in order, let it be done privately more in the form of a suggestion seasoned with love and concern.
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11. Never both of you be angry at the same time--being human, we do sometimes get angry, but someone has got to accept the responsibility and keep a cool head (Remember Proverbs 15:1, "A soft answer turneth away wrath; but grievous words stir up anger"--also, it takes two to have a quarrel).
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12. Remember I Peter 4:8, love covers a multitude of sins (none of us being perfect, we need to let humility and love govern our relationships in dealing with one another); remember, God is certainly longsuffering with us.
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13. Build one another up: privately by encouragement (recognizing the others good points), and publicly by speaking well of one another (by emphasizing the good and positive we will draw out the good and positive in the other, making it easier for the "bad" to fade away).
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14. Remember, you are now one; you are on the same team, and this is to be for a lifetime (Matthew 19:5-9)--don't pull in different directions (Ephesians 5:28-31); if you don't pull together, you will come apart.
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15. Differences in personality, ability, and areas of learning, etc., need not be a problem--the strength of one may be in one area, and the other another; thus, you compliment one another and make a stronger team (never feel insecure, threatened, or intimidated by the strength of the other; you are on the same team, think accordingly, and use all your strengths to your united and mutual advantage (and the glory of God).
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16. Respect one another and pull together--otherwise your spiritual life and prayers will be hindered (I Peter 3:7); your personal well-being, salvation, and eternal destiny are at stake.
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17. Charity begins at home; the light that shines the farthest shines the brightest at home (at its source; practice your religion in the privacy of your own home--otherwise it is not real; treat one another like Christians (I Peter 3:8,9) and faithfully live the good life (I Peter 3:10-12)--how beautiful it is!
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18. Remember the Golden Rule (do unto others as you would have them do unto you, Luke 6:31), and practice it always.
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19. Seriously consider and reconsider the characteristics of love (I Corinthians 13).
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20. Seriously study Ephesians 5:21-33.
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(Do these things faithfully and the faithful God of love and peace will bless your life and marriage with love and peace in all things that you may "rejoice with the wife of thy youth," Proverbs 5:18, all the days of your life and she with you). [Vol.25, #3]
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